To gift or not to gift?

Let’s talk about Facebook gifts for a moment.

In much of America (and probably much of the Western world, though I can’t say for sure), gifts are a way to show affection. You don’t get a birthday present for strangers or people you just met on the bus. You buy someone a gift because you like her and want her day to be a little happier. 

That was the original idea anyway. Now, you might buy someone a gift because it’s an easy way to simulate, rather than express, affection for him. Your boss, for example. Maybe you chipped in five dollars to the office pool to buy flowers for your boss’s birthday. Do you like him? Maybe not. But buying him a gift is a good way to hide that dislike.  A similar thing has happened with hugs. Once a spontaneous expression of fondness, hugs are now required with all kinds of people you don’t feel warmly about: extended family, friends you’ve just met, co-workers you don’t really like. At some point, hugs are going to start indicating lukewarm feelings, and affection will be demonstrated in a different way, like rubbing shoulders together.

Which brings us back around to Facebook gifts. Because they are virtual, they’ve stripped away any practical aspect that gifts usually retain (i.e. “you might enjoy watching this movie,” or “this vase will look pretty in your dining room”). They are the gift in its purest form: the expression of goodwill towards someone you like. And so far, that seems to be how they’re used.

Danny, a regular Facebook user, pointed out that Facebook gifts are “a nice way to say ‘This dancing monkey made me think of you, and fifty cents is not so prohibitive a cost as to prevent me from letting you know.’ ”

But how long until we start giving Facebook gifts to people as a way to cover our dislike of them? If there are people already doing this, I’d be interested in hearing from them.

Then of course there are people who refuse to use the gifts at all. “I don’t use gifts,” said a user named Matt, “because I can’t tell whether they actually cost money and don’t have the energy to figure it out.” And “it’s a huge database to choose from and it’s troublesome deciding on what gift to send,” adds Michele, a newcomer to Facebook. Who knows? Maybe gifts are already on their way out.

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